Partir de chez soi furieuse, exacerbée, incontrôlable;
Partir de chez soi le ventre noué, la gorge serrée, le cri silencieux.
Rejoindre ce lieu qui fut l'espace d'un instant un café des délices. Errer, marcher, pleurer peut-être, espérer encore le voir apparaître en sachant que l'espoir est vain.
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La porte fermée, le verrou bouclé, condamnée à attendre un hypothétique gardien, le froid vous tenaille, vaciller et regarder les autres, ceux qui comme vous sont bloqués. Remarquer que tous sont plusieurs, personne n'est seule. C'est un lieu de joie, de fête, de jeux et de retrouvailles. Ce n'est pas un endroit pour pleurer.
Peu à peu s'ouvrir aux autres. Discuter avec celui-ci, - mignon celui-ci-, échanger des banalités sur cette barrière fermée. Songer au désir secret d'escalader la barrière. Se laisser à rire. Retour du gardien, passer par la porte.
Reprendre la voiture, un peu mieux, plus sereine et mesurer la bêtise de votre démarche. Bêtise du manque, bêtise de l'absence. Ne pas le voir, certes mais quelle importance! Vous ne mourrez pas demain (en tout cas vous l'espérez), bientôt vous retrouverez ses mains. Un jour, peut-être vous l'"aimerez". Allez mieux.
Rouler quelques kilomètres, sans savoir où aller. Se laisser bercer par la soufflerie, la douceur de la mélodie. Se laisser rêver. Aller bien
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