Son regard, sa voix, sa présence, j'y crois...
Même si nous ne serons jamais ensemble, j'ai plaisir à nos retrouvailles, à nos instants et nos chamailleries.
Même si nos vies nous distancent, j'ai plaisir à me fondre dans ses regards, ses sourires, ses silences.
Même si parfois, sa présence me hante, j'ai plaisir à savoir que quelque chose nous rassemble.
C'est difficile d'expliquer ce qui se passe mais, il y a des signes qui ne trompent pas. Chaque fois que nous est donnée la possibilité d'être ensemble, on se retrouve, on se toise, on joue. J'aime savoir que je peux le soutenir, j'aime l'idée qu'il sait me sourire.
Alors, nous ne sortirons jamais ensemble mais notre nous aura bercé mes nuits.
Je retrouve peu à peu la chaleur de mon foyer. A pas de souris, mon désir se réanime. Je ne le force pas, je le laisse remonter telle cette eau frémissante qui sifflote avant de bouillir. Ne pas aller trop vite c'est se donner la possibilité de se reconstruire plus fort.
Il y aura toujours une partie de moi pour rêver à l'ailleurs parce que j'ai manqué mon enfance, j'ai subi mon adolescence et n'ai pas su affronter les autres.
Aujourd'hui, peu à peu, j'existe, je résiste et je parviens à aimer ce que je suis. Je la vois, elle, belle et resplendissante. J'ai envie d'apprendre à la connaître. J'ai envie de l'aider, lui dire qu'elle est quelqu'un d'extraordinaire. J'ai enfin l'impression de me découvrir une amie.
En fait, tout va bien, je ne m'en fais pas. J'apprécie cette complicité que j'ai trop vite pris pour de la séduction. J'avais peur de n'être rien et je sais, maintenant, que certes je ne suis pas grand chose mais que j'existe et que parfois même, je peux être utile.
Je le savais en tant que professionnel, je ne l'imaginais en tant qu'être social.
Je vais bien, je pense à lui, je rêve de lui mais je ne l'aime pas. Il n'est qu'une sensation que j'apprécie, le désir de la séduction et de la poésie.
Je vais bien, je vais bien, je vais bien...
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